Features of paraphrasing
- Does not contain judgment
- Does not interpret
- Uses the client’s language, voice, tone, and gestures
- Authentically summarizes or recaps (versus parroting or repetition)
- Uses metaphors, identifies key or conflicting points, and recognizes emotional shifts
- When appropriate, ends with a confirming question versus an interpretation (e.g., "How accurate is that?" or "Have I gotten that right?")
- Is shorter than the original statement
- Uses "you" in place of "I," keeping the spotlight on the other person
Tips of Paraphrasing
- Be PRESENT by witnessing the person's struggle and emotions.
- “It seems like you are frustrated with her efforts.”
- “It sounds like you’re disappointed in how you responded.”
- "You appear to be crying because you're proud of your success."
- Capture the ESSENCE of what the other person wants.
- "So your first action is to . . . and then you will . . . Is that accurate?"
- "On the one hand you want (or feel or think) . . . and on the other hand, you want . . ."
- "It seems you are faced with competing commitments and want to prioritize."
Reframe:
REFRAME a person's thinking around strongly held beliefs, values, or assumptions, using concepts, metaphors, mental models, points of view, examples, possibilities, and definitions to make new perspectives clear. Some key transformations to keep in mind include negative to positive, problem to solution, and complaint to commitment.
Negative to Position
Problem to Solution
Complaint to Commitment
- “It sounds like some attitudes are impacting you and how you want to inspire and influence your staff.”
- “It feels like the train’s headlights require an immediate goal to close the gap for your students.”
- “You clearly want a committed faculty with high morale to guide and elevate the work of providing exemplary learning for your students and want a plan to make it happen!”
- “Your language screams your desire to be a courageous leader for change.”
Advancing stems:
- because…
- you are wanting…
- and you are looking for…
- because you are committed to…
A reflective paraphrase is the process of listening and summarizing the feelings and words. A reflective statement allows the client to hear their words, see how their beliefs form their perceptions, and face who they are by facing the emotions they are expressing.
Listen for…
- What the person wants
- Emotion/passion
- Possibility and/or potential
- What’s already working
Coaching is awareness based versus solution focused. Therefore, it is important to remember to coach the person (“who”) rather than the problem (“what.”) When beliefs, fears, and assumptions affecting actions are safely explored, the truth brings awareness and learning.