Dr. David Rock, researcher, author and founder of the Neuro Leadership Institute, has identified that the brain is constantly sensing and assessing safety states or threats. A safe environment is therefore deeply important to our conversations.
Presuming positive intent is required in the work of coaching. We must believe the best of others, even when we don’t always see what we hope to see. Dr. Suzette Haden Elgin, an author and expert on the negative language that lurks in our conversations, suggests using positive presuppositions, which provide language tools that avoid the subtle (or unsubtle) impact of language.
A presupposition is anything a native speaker of a language knows is part of the deeper meaning of a language sequence. The meaning is interpreted even if the meaning does not appear in the surface structure of the words and syntax
- “Even Bill could get an A in this class.”
- “If you really cared about your health, you would stop smoking.”
- “That’s such a flattering picture of you.”
By paying attention to the presuppositions we use and choosing our words with care, we can more positively influence the thinking and feelings of others with whom we communication. In the words of Victor Frankl, author of Man's Search for Meaning, "If we take a man as he is, we make him worse. If we take a man as he should be, we make him capable of what he can be."
Examples:
- “Do you like school?” versus “What do you like best at school?”
- “Can you tell me anything about this cancer?” verus _____
- “Have you had any experience working in learning teams? verus _____