Collaboration is a best practice in today’s work world. Consider this: Often people who exhibit hostility to others are angry or fearful. Most of the time it is usually not about you, but about things in their own lives – past or present.
- What's the best way to deal with a demeaning/negative/hostile or critical person?
- How do you interact with difficult influential board members/people?
- How possible is it that listening and “witnessing the struggle” of the person is all they want . . . over taking any action?
- What positive qualities or strengths might you recognize in them to let them see beyond the hostility? (SCARF)
- What do they want? What is the result, the outcome they seek?
- What skills such as listening, paraphrasing, presuming positive intent and reflective feedback will you use to be present and take them from where they are to where they want to go?
Language Possibilities
- “You are clearly upset and angry. For me, it is important to listen to you and hear what is at stake for you. May we allow our language to each other to be respectful?”
- “When you speak to me using language like “stupid” or (idiot, lousy, dumb, lazy) it causes me to not want to listen. I know you want change from our conversation and that change will begin with our language to each other.”
- “You have much emotion in your words. Because we both want to listen to understand the other, is this the best time or would it be better to talk at another time?”
- “You are expressing strong emotions as you speak about _____________. What, if we talked specifically about it, would be what you want and would address your concerns.”
Difficult and/or Influential Board Members / people
Consider this: Board Members are elected and will come with perceptions and ideas they believe are sorely needed. They have positive intent to make something better. Respect for their commitment, time, potential expertise and point of view will offer a mindset for positive relationships and results.
- What are you wanting to learn about their platform and passions that might be helpful in understanding their point of view?
- What strengths are they bringing to the community that have potential to do good things?
- What possibilities may their background and expertise offer a specific area of the community? to your department or programs?
Language Possibilities
Superintendent has a board member who is always harping about cutting spending instead of considering the needs of students and staff. This board member represents a small but vocal constituency within the community.
- “You are very committed to ensuring fiscal responsibility in this district. As we bring needs for students and/or staff to the board for consideration, what criteria will you be expecting or wanting to see in our recommendations?”
- “Having fiscal and policy governance over budget, what costs are you deeming appropriate? What student and staff costs most concern you? What information would be helpful to you for your consideration?”
- “Mr./Mrs. Name, you are so thoughtful and frugal in your decision making. What information would be the most supportive to your decision making?”
Board Member isn’t supportive of programs you supervise; the negative statements are impacting staff and parents.
- “Name, it would be a pleasure to meet with you and listen to your ideas and perceptions for continuously improving our programs. When, in your busy schedule, might you have time to speak with me?”
- “Name, some information was shared with me by some parents and staff about your concerns about our programs. Nothing would be more appreciated than to sit down with you, with your insight and knowledge, and get your perceptions and feedback on how we might continue to improve our work.”
- “Name, you care deeply about this community as seen in your commitment to serve on the board. We also both care about providing this community with the best service possible. I would value the opportunity to sit with you and hear your concerns directly so I might offer some information to you to clarify and to hear what we might do better. When might we work together?